Happiness Talk Blog
Family
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Happiness and Dreams Come True When You Use a Vision Board
Vision Boards are collages also known as Dream Boards, Treasure Maps and Goal Sheets. They are tools that display pictures and affirmations of the goals and things you want or desire in life. They help you focus your energy on your specific goals and attract that same energy back to you. They require you to use your senses thinking about your goals, seeing the pictures which engage your subconscious mind to “go after” them, and remind you of actions to take to accomplish the goals.
Whether you want a new career, a healthy investment account, a vacation in Italy, a new Mercedes SL550, a trim and fit body weighing 130 pounds, a better relationship, or peace of mind, your vision board can help initiate the results.
Using a Vision Board requires you to take action!
1. Dream and Decide Your Goals.
Dream, visualize, imagine, and think about your goals. What do you want your life to look like 1 year from now, or 5 or 10? Your vision board can be about one area of life or all. It can represent one goal or many. Decide what you want in one or several domains of life:
- Health
- Career or work
- Love relationship or marriage
- Family
- Friends
- Interests, hobbies, fun
- Spiritual life
- Learning and personal growth
- Financial
- Service
2. Collect Pictures and Words.
After you have made decisions about the time period and goals, cut out pictures from magazines that represent the specific goals you want to accomplish. You can also find sites on line that will help you create a virtual vision board.
Be very careful to put the exact messages of what you want - the exact pictures that represent your goals. If you want a red car, do not put a picture of a blue car or paste over a blue car. I had a client who got the blue car! Just include a picture of the exact make, model and color of your desired car. If you want to have a certain amount of money, be sure to represent it in the full amount. Show a picture of a bank account or perhaps put real money on your board. Look for the kind of house you want, with the right kind of yard for you. Include a picture of the book you plan to write; show a picture of your happy family having summer vacation fun. Be sure to include a picture or photo of yourself in the collage.
Be sure your desires fit with your values. Spend time thinking about this before you spontaneously add pictures. Represent your spiritual self in the Treasure Map so you are recognizing your desire to have and be what is in your best interest and the best interest of all others.
You also want to cut out words, phrases or make affirmations - positive statements about your dreams and goals. Include things like, I am a global speaker teaching the secrets of how to flourish in life, be happy and fulfilled. Perhaps simple words representing powerful concepts are for you: Empowered, Millionaire, Earning a seven-figure income, Love and peace at home, Olympic Gold, Ph.D. (after your name), Winner, The Best, Successful children, No more hunger, etc.
Paste your pictures and words on poster paper, construction paper, display boards, presentation boards or something you might put inside a frame. If you are doing a themed vision board - on your wedding, promotion, or losing weight - you might use a smaller size. If you are showing your goals for 5 years, you will want a substantial size to display your major goals. Some people have been very creative and did decoupage on a chest, table or trunk to show their dreams and goals.
3. Display Your Vision Board and Use It Daily.
Put your vision board in a prominent place to see it every day. Some people like to put it in the bathroom to look at while getting ready in the beginning of their day. Others on the kitchen table to look at while having coffee. Others hang it in the family room. Still others take it to the office and some make it the wallpaper on their computer and phone.
- Look at it for about 5 minutes at least twice a day.
- Think about the scenes and results.
- See yourself in the results.
- Feel the emotions of your results. Feel yourself with the top down in your new convertible. Feel the joy of writing a check to your favorite charity. Feel the excitement getting on the cruise ship.
- Experience the results of your goals and stay positive.
4. Share Your Dreams and Goals with Others.
Get social support by sharing your dreams and goals with family, friends, and colleagues. Let them see your vision board and talk about it with them. You might even help them do one of their own. If you really want to go for it in a BIG way, create a mastermind group to help all of you accomplish your goals. I’ve been in one for 9 years and we’ve manifested books, major consulting contracts, public speaking gigs, lots of money, grandchildren, vacations, second homes, relationships, retirement, meaning, and much success. By sharing your goals you will get direct and indirect support from those around you.
Caution: DO NOT let people try to talk you out of it or tell you it’s too big a dream. If they are toxic people, don’t bother to share with them. But do talk with all the others in your life who want you to be the best you can be.
5. Take Daily Actions to Bring Your Vision Board to Life.
Use your vision board to remind you of what you want. Be sure you have actions in each day that are steps towards making the pictures manifest in your life. Write steps in your daily, weekly, monthly, or quarterly, To Do Lists. When I wanted to add a different service to my business, I simply put it on new business cards and in two weeks I received 4 requests, all leading to paid gigs - and NONE of the people had even seen my new business cards. But the big eye in the sky did…
Declare your intentions, tell others about them, take action, and watch them manifest.
6. Celebrate Your Successes.
Savor your progress and small successes. Savor in advance, during the process and after the accomplishment.
Celebrate the accomplishments of your goals. Some people need to celebrate the process and not the completion. Invite some friends and reward yourself with the celebration and well-deserved regard.
You can use the vision board right along with your 5 Year Plan. (If you don’t have one, turn the pictures into outcome goals, benchmark steps backwards and write your next steps.) Today, begin to make your dreams a reality.
Copyright 1987, 2002, 2010, 2011 D’Arcy Vanderpool
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEBSITE? You are welcomed to share this article. When you do, please include this entire blurb with it: “Are you a talented entrepreneur who is ready to flourish and take yourself and your business to a new level? If you would like to learn how happiness can produce better results in your personal and professional life, you have come to the right place. It’s time to leave a good life and business and, instead, create a personal life and business services that will allow more happiness and fulfillment in positivity, time, wealth and the lifestyle you deserve. I invite you to visit my website at http://www.DrHappiness.com where you will find resources and enrollment for our current coaching, trainings and retreats.”
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 04/12 at 10:42 PM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Leisure •
Relationships •
Spirituality •
Wealth Building •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
This is the time of year we all celebrate. We have loving times with family and friends, sometimes traveling many miles to bask in and share the love. It’s the time to play games, set the card table up for a bigger (or smaller) puzzle than last year. Its time to get the cards out for a few games of hand and foot. And the video games and Wii. Get out the sleds, snow shoes, snow boards, skis and rev up the snow mobiles.
We enjoy the Nutcracker, the beautiful voices of carolers, the Christmas bells, gorgeous decorations, and parties of the season. We sing song, bake Grandma’s favorite goodies, stuff the turkey, rub the prime rib, enjoy the Ethel M’s and Bisinger’s after the Christmas pudding and pies. Stollen for breakfast, leftover ham sandwiches for lunch and too many appetizers…
Angels, nativity scenes, the gift of God’s Son, and prayer add special feelings of the holidays. But the glee of children stirs the deepest joy in all of us. The days of play, the laughter shared by all, the dogs in their bows, the nuts and cider, and peppermint hot chocolate brings the savoring of past Christmases and ones to come.
Experience the joy, feel the peace, share the love and take these into the next year with the best flourishing of your souls.
Merry Christmas,
D’Arcy,
Bentley and Beau
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 12/25 at 01:26 PM
Happiness •
Family •
Leisure •
Relationships •
Spirituality •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Monday, November 01, 2010
Is Your Child Being Bullied?
If you suspect your child is being bullied or if you get evidence that he or she is, there are important and necessary steps to help. There are also things you can do to be proactive.
Have Open and Trusting Communication
Both you and your spouse should talk with your child and share your suspicions or evidence of bullying. Be sure to have him share and participate in the solutions. This is an opportunity for an important conversation about values, behaviors and your expectations.
Listen carefully, get the specifics, and find out more about his relationships. Stand behind your child 100% and be sure he is honest and understands the consequences of possible threats. If he is not honest, you have bigger problems to deal with immediately.
Talk with Other Parents and See a School Administrator
If you learn about something going on that involves students at his school, you might visit with a school administrator. Call the other parents, get their perspectives, and if their children are being bullied, encourage those parents to see the administrator.
Be Involved with Your Child’s Friends and Their Parents
It is imperative that you be involved with your child’s friends and know their parents. Know how everyone communicates his or her feelings and handles teasing. You know these things when you participate in your child’s activities and your home is a place where his friends hang out and are welcomed by you.
Teach Your Child How to Deal with Bullying Behaviors
Discuss strategies with your child to stop bullying by walking away, not communicating with the bully, and not getting physical. By helping him talk about differences and develop problem-solving skills, he will have building blocks for bullying prevention or management.
Build Your Child’s Self Esteem
Always find ways to develop your child’s self-esteem. Help him discover and cultivate his talents. Help him apply his strengths when he has challenges. These things will assure he finds true friends.
Encourage only positive friendships.
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 11/01 at 11:09 AM
Family •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Sunday, July 04, 2010
What Creates Good Memories or One Wedding, Four Exes, Rain, and No Sanitizer!
BUBBLE OF LOVE
Recently I attended a family wedding where people were so loving they joined two families and the extended spiritual family members, not just the bride and groom. The experience of being in their presence and being part of that presence was like living in a bubble of love for three days. As I think of this event, the thoughtful man with whom I attended, the interesting people met, the old friends connecting, the young couple blooming with love, I feel an all-encompassing unconditional warm and fuzzy love. Recalling the many meals together, late night margaritas, morning coffee, ethnic foods, pine scents in the breeze, drizzle, warm sun, snow-capped mountains, sequestered mountain lakes, and lots of fragrances of fun, I feel full and cozy.
EVENTS
It didn’t matter that someone forgot the flowers at the ceremony and no one noticed. It didn’t matter that everyone could never get together for the official picture-taking event. It was great that the MC announced the program with love and laughter as he moved the festivities along. Fathers, best man and maid of honor made their traditional, revealing and devotional speeches of adoration. The bride and groom exchanged musical expressions of love, bringing tears with the lyrical notes of grandmother long passed. The bride did a belly dance for the beaming groom. A dancing professional surprised her friends by performing an exquisite hula while children mirrored with three and four year old zest. We saw a slide show and learned many details of the lives of these two special people being blessed with our love and we with theirs. Eyes were not dry, faces were not long, and abdominals were not relaxed.
ONE LINERS AND BELLY LAUGHS
We had three days of one-liners topping Leno and Letterman. The bride’s comment as they were attempting to feed each other cake, “No! We don’t have sanitizer!” as a fork anally lifted the cake to their gentle lips (no smashing-of-cake-in-the-face at this wedding) was a belly-laughter topper. Another one at the top of the laugh list was from the best man after the bride told stories of her first year of teaching fourth grade, “I hit my fourth grade teacher!” Perhaps Uncle Merle at 92 was the most delightful as he told family stories of everyone, especially an uncle hanging out of the car to check the tires as he drove.
FAMILY STORIES AND LONG AGO SECRETS
Personally, I like the mother of the bride’s story for full belly laughs. Uncle Master of Ceremonies himself, drooling with jealousy not knowing this BEFORE the reception, heard his big sister tell the Wet Shoulder Pad Story. In a transitional feminine year, the bride and bridesmaids as young teens went swimming with new boys of the summer. (Think about it!) All families have this type of tell-all stories or fun secrets. The family lore is important to continue sharing and retelling as families get together to love and laugh throughout the years.
WHAT IS SPECIAL BECOMES THE MEMORY
The day after the wedding, we spent time in a hotel lobby sharing more stories and the special moments of the wedding. The mother of the bride asked each of us to share what made the wedding special. The heartfelt acknowledgements, appreciations, and touchstones helped create another very loving and positive experience. The expressions of regard and love mark and set the special moments as we take them through time.
LOVE, UNITY AND GRACE
Each of us goes away from an experience with our own memories. These are special moments suspended in time to carry with us forever. We have our own special moments of laughter, of love and of joy. Some carry forward the ring round the rosie memory of moving of the towel to keep the bridal dress clean and circling the big trees to escape the drizzle minutes before the ceremony. Some carry the long-awaited moments with exes as there is a touch of the shoulder and a “Goodbye, take care,” filled with the deep healing of old wounds. The rest of us feel the touch and the smile as they reverberate through the room. Some carry the moments of children dancing with unbounded joy. Others feel the special touching of spirits as the parents look into each other’s eyes during the parents’ dance. We all feel the grace of the parents’ love hug. We carry a memory and tear of the young couple’s vows as they mix with the memory of our own. We leave a wedding touched by the glue of these two mothers’ love, the watchful guiding love of the fathers, the blossoming hope filled love of the newlyweds, and God’s unconditional love for the unity of His family. We feel the Grace.
I am blessed with people, experiences and memories like this. I hope we all carry the love, unity and grace to help guide us into our futures. May you carry it in your hearts and memories forever.
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 07/04 at 11:01 AM
Family •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanksgiving is a Special Holiday
We set this day aside to be with family and friends, eat a lot of food, and enjoy a day or two or more relating, shopping, decorating, playing games, etc. It’s a time for several days of leisure. The main focus is to share a great meal and have wonderfully caring conversations.
I’m grateful the Pilgrims and nearby Indians had a harvest and successful hunt. I’m grateful we celebrate this event on a Thursday every year. I love that it opens the season of love.
Thanksgiving is a time to drop the old heavy hurts and unsuspecting slights by family members.
Repair some of the “regrettable events” by focusing on the positive. Dr. John Gottman, marital stability and relationship analysis expert says,
“Respect, gratitude, affection, friendship, and noticing what’s going right is a ‘habit of mind’ which creates a culture of appreciation.”
“Scan for things which go right, notice them more. This leads to more searching for positive things, to positive feedback, and therefore positive actions.”
It truly is a time to focus on the positive things about family members and what they have done for you. The times they helped you move, the times they baby sat, the times they fed you and your friends, the times they gave you a place to stay or live for awhile. Remember all the late night family stories? The eventful family holidays and gatherings? Times of celebrations—baptisms, confirmations, showers, weddings, funerals? All the cards and gifts they gave? The hugs and kisses? The tons and tons of love they have given throughout the years? Through the years of togetherness and absence, they thought about you. They called. And came to visit. They were there during your hospitalizations and surgeries and they stood by you through difficult times. And if you didn’t tell them about the challenges, they were praying anyway for your life of success and well being. Yes, its great to have the family you love and who loves you. Thanksgiving is a time to let them know how much you are grateful they are in your life.
I hope as you are sitting around the Thanksgiving table, you all take the opportunity to express the deepest gratitude for what each person has given you. Tell them how they have touched the most precious part of you. Be sure also to share the light moments of shared secrets, mistakes, and life flubs.
I love you Sis for ALWAYS being there for me, for being with Mom through so many years while I lived so far away, for you and Tim opening your hearts and home helping to take care of Dad those last precious months, for the childhood innocence and fun, sharing friends and schools, and stories into the night. Thanks for all the glorious venting of therapist bashing we shared, shopping trips, apple martinis, long phone calls and your smiling face and tough protection when I really needed to feel your love. I’m eternally appreciative for all the many ways you show your love. Thanks for being my “Sis”, Dorene. You are a most precious being God has given to me.
Your turn—make a phone call, write a card, prepare a little “Thank you” for your dinner or after-dinner conversation with family and friends. Create a meaningful experience with those you love.
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 11/25 at 02:02 PM
Happiness •
Family •
Relationships •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Monday, June 15, 2009
When You Want to Improve Your Life, Where do You Start?
When you want to improve your life, where do you start? How do you go about it? Many clients have come to my office wanting to be out of the pain they are in and desiring to experience more happiness. They arrive with many different presenting problems and we always look at the superficial solutions to those symptoms. But there is always something underneath that we can discover which dictates their sabotage or repeated failures in life. It’s usually about their excuses. So, whether they come in for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or a relationship, we look at the underlying causes, the excuses, and the patterns that began in childhood which do not work so well in adulthood. So often we learn beliefs and behaviors when we are two, three, four or five years old that do not work quite the same when we are 30 or 40. This is the stuff of therapy.
For those of you who are reading this who are not in therapy and who do not wish at this time to begin such an adventure, I’d like to offer you some things which you can do on your own which will give you insight into your core beliefs and help you clear unfinished business of childhood and early adulthood. I also want to help you stop your excuses and start being successful in the areas you have avoided. I also want to help you forgive yourself and others and get onto the business of loving – loving yourself and loving others.
If you are in therapy, this will help you in working with your therapist. It may give you an outline for self-help work or you may pick and choose what you and your therapist think will help you with your particular issues and patterns. If you are in coaching, it will also help you to work with your coach on what you do to excuse and sabotage your success.
Where to start?
What makes you mad? What can’t you stand? What drains you or zaps your energy? What causes you pain? What are your guilty about? What would you like to change in your life? These questions about negative influences in your life or negative reactions should shed some light on where you can begin. Start journaling about these questions. You might separate them into items or issues or people or situations. When you are writing about them, just let your thoughts flow and your feelings get expressed. Be sure to indicate what happened, who did what (including yourself), who had less than respectable behavior? What did you do that was a mistake or wrong in some way? What did others do that was a mistake or wrong in your opinion? How did you feel or how were you affected by what happened? How do you think the other people involved may have felt? What good came from this? What good could come from this if you determined that it would? What action do you have to take to compost this experience and make it a learning experience in your life rather than a drain because of negative emotions? How will you take this action? When will you do it? Who will know about it? Who can give you recognition or praise about correcting this lesson in life?
Whenever you have a negative experience or something that has affected you in a negative way, try to identify your errors, the others’ errors and what you can do to correct it. Also identify the lesson in it for you. Find a way to become grateful for the experience and feel and express your gratitude. It might take you a couple months to get over the anger or hurt. It is important to get over it. It’s important for you to move past this place to a place of acceptance, understanding and even gratitude for having an opportunity to learn and grow.
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 06/15 at 12:58 PM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Leisure •
Mental Health •
Phsycial Health •
Relationships •
Spirituality •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Friday, June 12, 2009
Gratitude Is The Easy Answer to Happiness and Well Being
Expressing our gratitude is an activity that increases our happiness levels by over 25%; gives us higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress; gives us better sleep quality and more energy; and it is one of the more effective ways of coping with disease, disability and even death. People who keep gratitude lists make progress toward completing important individual goals such as academic, interpersonal and health-based, according to research by Robert Emmons.
Keep a Gratitude Journal
Establish a daily habit of recalling and writing ordinary events that happened to you today, the valuable people in your life and what they contribute to you. Spend the day looking for people, incidents, events, and qualities that you enjoy and that support your life. Look for the gifts, grace, benefits and good things in your life.
1. Think and recall throughout the day the good things happening…
2. Write at least three things of gratitude toward the end of the day.
Share Gratitude with your Family
1. Have your family share at dinner three things that happened to each of you that were good or things for which you are grateful
2. Have our children recall and speak gratitude when going to bed
3. Share gratitude blessings with your spouse at the end of the day
4. Make Thanksgiving a holiday of super big thanks all around the table
Write letters of gratitude
1. Write thank you notes for gifts, events and special thoughtful acts
2. Write letters of gratitude to people who have improved or touched your life – teachers, friends, family members, old friends, former spouses, etc.
3. Write birthday letters sharing about the person’s qualities and good acts
Think of ways you can see the challenges of life as a gift and then how you can express your gratitude.
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 06/12 at 07:57 AM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Mental Health •
Phsycial Health •
Relationships •
Service •
Spirituality •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Forgiveness Is Urgent
It is important to forgive yourself the mistakes you have made and the things you have done that have been most hurtful to others. By writing them you give yourself the gift of making your load lighter as you attempt to experience more happiness.
It is a good thing to forgive people who have done things that have been hurtful to you. It allows you to move on past that incident or wrong and be in present time without bitterness or anger in your heart. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person.
This is a simple exercise. Either take out your journal or sit at your computer and start writing:
1. These are things I have thought, said or done for which I want forgiveness or for which I want to forgive myself.
2. These are things others have said or done that I want to forgive, clearing me of all negative feelings.
After writing the items, say aloud you forgive yourself and you forgive others. Ask for forgiveness and imagine being your perfect spiritual or higher self, understanding, accepting and loving yourself. Imagine your parents doing the same. And sense the forgiveness of God or the creative force of the universe. Then again say aloud your forgive yourself and you forgive others who harmed you.
Sometimes it is important to share these things with your clergy, a therapist or a trusted friend. Receiving acceptance and feeling the caring or love of another makes it easier to move into forgiveness and let go of the negative feelings.
Life gets better and well being is strengthened when you regularly clear and forgive these actions of yours and others. Feeling gratitude after forgiveness helps solidify the release of negative emotions.
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 06/11 at 06:15 AM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Leisure •
Mental Health •
Phsycial Health •
Relationships •
Spirituality •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Compliments
Expressing positive things about another person is like giving them a gift. It says you recognize something special, unique or even just ordinary about them. By bringing it to their attention you are encouraging them to continue doing or being that positive way.
It is also important to tell them how it affects you. An example could go like this: “You called to tell me what you would like to do this evening. You are sensitive to my need to plan a little in advance and I appreciate that you are considering my preferences.”
Please give 3 compliments a day to anyone with whom you are living or spending a lot of time (spouse, children, co-workers, or friends).
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 06/09 at 10:05 AM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Leisure •
Mental Health •
Relationships •
Service •
Spirituality •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Acts of kindness
Doing an act of kindness is one of the best things you can do for yourself and others. When you do something thoughtful or nice for another, the regard comes back to you in multiples. You help make a better world when you pick up trash that blows around your neighborhood. Your vacationing neighbor appreciates putting the newspapers and trash can out of site. The elderly woman at the doctor’s office is thankful for your holding the door and the elevator.
Your magnitude of loving and sense of happiness can grow exponentially if you do some acts of kindness as secrets. The secret act of giving can be enormously fun and fulfilling.
During the holidays we sometimes play “Secret Santa” to someone in the office and leave them small gifts like a special coffee from Starbucks or perform a small task without them knowing who is doing it. Why not be a Secret Pal all year long? I know a creative and big-hearted woman who secretly goes to a friend’s home and decorates the outside of it for every major holiday. She does it in the middle of the night so her friend never knows who the Secret Decorator is.
Take this challenge: do one act of kindness each work day this week, Monday through Friday.
If you are wanting to try another challenge, here it is: Select three things to do in the next month that are secrets from the receiver. Be a “Secret Pal” and do something for three different people where they cannot discover who you are. Good luck! Please share your stories with us if you’d like. We’d love to hear from you!
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 06/06 at 04:42 PM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Leisure •
Mental Health •
Relationships •
Service •
Spirituality •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Take Vacation Time
I’m being very nice to myself and going on vacation. If you need help doing this for yourself, call me at 702-242-4222 and leave a message. Please note I will not return the call until I am back. Enjoy life!
Love,
D’Arcy
Posted by D'Arcy Vanderpool on 05/12 at 10:35 AM
Happiness •
Career •
Family •
Leisure •
Mental Health •
Phsycial Health •
Relationships •
Retirement •
Service •
Spirituality •
Wealth Building •
(0) Comments •
Permalink
Institute for Happiness Studies
and
Center for Relationship Happiness
8440 W. Lake Mead Blvd., Suite 206
Las Vegas, Nevada 89128-7648
Office: (702) 242-4222
Toll Free: (800) 834-7616
Fax: (702) 242-4429